Alex Jones and the crusaders of Stardust
by MySanityWasGoneLongAgo
Summary: Alex tried to find new revenue streams as he was kick off of YouTube, this lands him in the JOJO Universe where he must face many big hard challenges
1. Chapter 1

Alex sighed as he stared into his Laptop in the middle of night. "It can't continue like this." After getting kicked off of YouTube and Facebook his revenue stream collapsed. He was down 33% in just two months. People just weren't buying water filters like they used to back in '16.

If he didn't come up with a plan quickly his media empire could collapse leaving him to sell his body on the streets. Or even worse work for a progressive media outlet. That thought was too much for him to handle.

"If it wasn't for those damn social justice warriors I'd be making bank right now."

Then a thought entered his mind. "Didn't I read a conspiracy theory about Clinton working on a trans-dimensional portal device that would help her bring progressive voters in from outside the US to win the 2020 election?"

If this was true it could be huge. "Maybe I could use it myself to reach more conservatives and expand my reach." With that in mind he started working on a plan to infiltrate the Clinton Foundation's headquarters and find out the truth.

First he would need a disguise and a convincing one at that. He decided to order a blonde wig, high heels and a pink size 20 dress from Amazon. Surely that would be enough to convince them.

The next day he decided to write an application letter for an internship at their headquarters. He offered to work for free and at a low end job. "There's no way they could refuse this offer" he thought. And lo and behold after just five hours he received a reply inviting him to an Interview.

Walking in the high heels was uncomfortable at first but he managed to do all-right for his first time. He even decided to shave his beard and legs to look more convincing. "Damn I hope they don't think I'm a cyclist with legs like this" he muttered to himself.

As he entered the lobby he was greeted by a receptionist that could barely contain his laughter.

"Good morning, how may I assist you?" he asked.

"I'm here for an Interview at 9 AM with Mr. Nimugem."

"Ah I see please wait in the second floor's guest room, you'll be escorted from there"

"Alright, thank you very much"

He boarded the elevator that resided in the far end of the lobby and pressed the button for the second floor. As the elevator began its ascend he noticed something strange. The button for floor 20 was disabled but floor 21 was lit like normal. "That's strange I wonder why that is." He decided to also press the button for floor 21.

"This might be my only chance to enter the building. I have to find out what they're hiding up there. Could it be the Portal or the shape-shifting reptilians I keep hearing about. Uhhh maybe even Hillary's clone. I've heard there's at least three of those around."

Whatever it was it must be a good story otherwise they'd not disable access to the floor. He didn't leave the elevator at his first stop and continued upwards towards uncertainty.

"*ding* Floor 21, Clinton health matter initiative, please leave the elevator"

As he stepped out he saw a bunch of people sitting at desks, taking phone-calls, and writing E-Mails. "This looks too normal for my taste". As he stepped out the elevator he noticed a fire-exit door to his left.

"Maybe I can use this to go to floor 20" he thought. He pushed the door open and a shriek alarm sound pierced his ear drums. "Fire detected Please leave the building immediately". FUCK. This was not what he expected. Not having another choice he entered the staircase and saw people running around like mad, stumbling down the stairs from the floors above.

"Hm, this might not be half bad. Maybe I can use the confusion around and enter below." He ran down one floor almost tripping over his dress. He pushed open the door to floor 20 and... silence.

This didn't look like anything he'd seen before. The walls were made out of aluminum panels as was the floor. "I KNEW IT, those bastards are hiding something".

"Ma'am what are you doing here? This is a restricted floor!" he saw an angry looking guard approaching him.

"Fuck you!" he yelled. "Thanks to my Super Male Vitality supplement I've become unstoppable."

He threw his handbag at the guard's face and started running.

"Dammit if they catch me I'm toast."

He saw a large door at the end of the hallway and entered it. As he entered the room he saw a large metal gate with cabled attached to it. "God damn they really did it". A strange glow was coming from the gate.

"Stop right there criminal scum you violated the law!", the guard yelled, pulling a large, rock-hard revolver from his holster.

"I'll not get caught by this soyboy" he thought running towards the Portal. Suddenly he felt a strong almost magnetic pull. "Ahhh what's happening" he screamed. But it was too late. He lifted off the ground and felt his body slowly dissolve.


	2. Chapter 2

"Miss... Miss! HEY can you hear me?"

He slowly opened his eyes, feeling blazing heat all over his body. "Ahh. What happened? Where am I? Who are you?"

"I'm Jotaro what are you doing here laying in the middle of the desert? Are you a stand user? You just appeared out of thin air."

"Sta.. what? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Forget it."

"No wait please!" he cried out.

"Please don't leave me here in the middle of nowhere."

"Uuugh. Yare yare daze. Fine. Follow me." Jotaro said as he started walking towards a Jeep.

"Alex stood up, realizing he lost his shoes somewhere along the way." He immediately felt a painful burning sensation from the hot sand roasting his feet.

"Ahh. Ahhhh. AAAAA. Hot."

"CAN YOU STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE" Jotaro yelled.

"Yes, yes I'm sorry" he huffed following Jotaro.

As he approached the Jeep he saw an old man staring at him intently, he also notices a weird dog, a guy with beautiful red-ish hair, a blonde European looking guy and a tall black guy with weird clothing. "What have I gotten myself into?" he thought to himself.

"Hi! I'm Joseph Jostar, who are you and what are you doing here?" the old man asked.

"Well it's kind of a long story... It all started when I got kicked off of YouTube..."

Alex explained everything, earning skeptical looks throughout.

"So we're expected to believe all of that?" Joseph asked.

"Well it doesn't really matter anyway, we don't have time to keep staying here much longer. How do you plan to pay for us taking you to Cairo?"

"Umm. Well you see I don't really have any money on me right now..."

"Well, well, well. You see we don't really get many women around here. So I'd even settle for your 'services'." Joseph exclaimed with an excited voice.

"Wh- What are you saying?!" Alex screamed in horror.

"Well as you don't have any means of paying for your trip you'll have to assist us in 'other' ways." Joseph said drily.

Not having any other chance of survival Alex agreed. Although he was anything but happy to be in such a situation he had no other choice than to agree. He didn't even want to imagine what Joseph would do to him later that night.

Several hours of driving through sandy desert dunes later they arrived at a small village where several villagers were already awaiting their arrival.

"Ah mister Jostar! We've already waited for your arrival. We have prepared food and a room for your men to sleep." a small man exclaimed.

"Thank you Ali, very cool!" Joseph said staring at the man.

"Actually could you prepare a separate room for me and my 'special guest'?"

"Certainly mister Jostar" Ali said.

Alex's body contorted in fear as he heard those words. How could he the greatest defender of truth in the world end up in a situation like this?!

After eating a hearty meal consisting of Rice, Rice and more Rice. The men decided to retreat for the day and head to their houses.

"So. You've ever taken 10 inches before?" Joseph asked with a huge grin on his face.

Alex's facial expression changed from bewildered to scared within a second.

"Please Mr. Jostar, is there nothing else I can.. *umpfhhh*" he had no time to react before Joseph pushed him face down on the bed.

"No! Please stop! For fucks sake at least use lubricant" Alex pleaded but to no avail.

"Blood is the best lubricant anyway!" Joseph laughed maniacally as he slowly started grinding his rock hard rod against Alex's boipussy. As he leaned forward a bit he finally slid in.

"No! *uwu* Please! Jostar-san your trouser snake is too big" Alex cried out.

Joseph kept pounding Alex relentlessly until he shot his man-yogurt deep inside Alex.

"Now you'll see the true power of the Jostar family" Joseph laughed.

"See? My stand allows me to recover immediately and keep going as long as I want"

"Holy shit please stop! I'll do anything"

But it was too late, Joseph plunged back into Alex. "Guess I never miss the hole huh?" Joseph said.

Apparently chemicals in the water didn't only turn the frogs, but also the Jostars gay...


End file.
